Another Job

Tonight I start my first shift at my second job.  I have been through training, orientation and one long, drawn-out visit to the drug test clinic*.  I obviously don’t want to reveal too much about this new employer, but it is a retail outlet that I frequent.  I’m excited about their benefits package for part-timers and the discount that I get to take advantage of.  I’m even more excited about the fact that I’m not selling anything for them.  The work I’ll be doing is with the merchandise, not the customers.  I win.

* I have never taken a drug test for an employer.  I assumed it would be a very quick in-and-out procedure, but I was sadly mistaken.  There was a mandatory 15 minute wait after I arrived before I could attempt the test.  I humored the tech by taking the cup of water that she offered me while I waited.  I assumed that, just like every other minute of every other day of my life, I would have to pee when the time arrived.  I am the person you don’t want with you on a long car trip because we’re going to have to take frequent pit stops.  When fifteen minutes were up, the tech led me to the back, showed me the line on the cup that I had to reach and left me to the task.  My bladder failed me.  At this point, I mentally reviewed the page I had signed upon arrival.  If I left now, without filling the cup adequately, they and my new employer would consider it a refusal of the test.  Nice.  I spent the next 25 minutes drinking as much very cold water as I could, shivering and reading old copies of Time magazine.  Finally, I felt like I could perform the task.  I did what they needed me to do, left their office and spent the rest of the morning cursing as I ran back and forth to the bathroom, freeing the rest of the water that I had guzzled.

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Reading

• A Redbird Christmas - Fannie Flagg
• Naked - David Sedaris

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• Barenaked Ladies - Gordon
• The Donnas - Spend the Night

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• Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
• MST3K: Merlin's Shop

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