To say that I struggle to stay on top of things is a bit of an understatement. I forget appointments, miss deadlines and, sometimes, intentionally procrastinate to a point that is shameful. I don’t want to be that girl and, trust me, Biscuit really doesn’t want me to be that girl. So, in an effort to make good on that whole “get my shit together” resolution, I’m am, technologically, going to a place that makes me a little embarrassed.
For work, Biscuit carries a phone that is ever so much more than that. There are Internet and email and modem capabilities. It has a tiny keyboard. I kind of make fun of it and kind of hate that it has to go everywhere that we go. If his servers start some sort of trouble, he needs to know and needs to be able to scold them remotely (I assume that is the scenario, whatever). Basically, I think it is sort of an over-the-top thing to have around, but his employer seems to think he needs it.
On May 1st, I’ll be carrying a very similar, albeit less fancy, piece of equipment. I will have schedules and lists and reminders with me at all times. If a big boxy phone can’t get my life in order, I don’t know what will.
Remote scolding of technology is one of my finest talents.
Not that I’m a pessimist but I am...do you know how many lists there have been in my life? How many times I have attempted to “organize myself”? I do not balance my checkbook. I hope for the best. Steve and I bought a dry erase board to make lists for me. Did I pay any attention to it? Not a wit. The lists sit there and I find something else to do.
Ultimately, I don’t have any idea how to change this sort of behavior. The crazy pills do help, but they don’t solve the problem. They don’t make me want to do the things I know I should. I go about my life doing what I want to do because it’s what I want to do at the moment and even if there’s a part of my brain telling me I should just do that responsible thing I’m supposed to be doing, the urge to follow my impulses always seems to win out.
Hubby would get so irritated with me and barrage me with questions about what I had done or not done like I was a child. This made me resent him so much but what could I do or say because he was right, I hadn’t done what I said/promised I would, which made me resent him even more. When I think about all the issues that lead to our eventual divorce, this one is probably the most poignant in many ways. I couldn’t stand how he treated me yet I was the one that caused it. *sigh*
You know you are my sister in so many ways. We’ve known that since the first day we met. As such, I hope the fancy phone helps you with organization, but honestly, I don’t have a lot of confidence in it since I know it would end up helping me not at all. I would be sitting there telling myself that I just needed to enter my reminders and appointments into the phone and then it would tell me what to do when and where, but instead I would surf myspace or pet the cat.
Next entry: More Training News
Previous entry: Come One, Come All